


what we owe

by a_r_b_u_s



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anbu Hatake Kakashi, Angst, F/M, Hatake Kakashi Has Issues, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Namikaze Minato Lives, One-Sided Attraction, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sex, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-08-06 10:07:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16385927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_r_b_u_s/pseuds/a_r_b_u_s
Summary: Kakashi wants something that he can't have.





	what we owe

Kakashi hadn’t known that Minato was seeing someone, had always assumed that after what happened that night when the Kyuubi attacked, he was just too busy with being Hokage, making a home for Naruto, too busy to do all the things single parents did, making it impossible, inconceivable, for him to even think about dating.

But Kakashi had realized he just had been naive (hoping beyond hope) when he walked along a corridor on the third floor of Hokage tower late one night, and he hadn’t planned to come here that late but then couldn’t sleep again (from the night terrors Kakashi are you feeling well you are a little pale) so he decided to fill out the rest of that damned report now, and why not, there was nothing else to do.

And why had he come to the third floor, exactly, when the mission desk was on ground level. He couldn’t quite remember later (because the Hokage’s office and the Hokage’s penchant to work late sometimes why do you fool yourself) and when he heard the grunting noise he should have turned on his heels. He hadn’t been a virgin back then anymore, had known very well what those noises meant in the dead of the night traveling through the dusty silence of a darkened corridor.

He had fondled Genma in his bedroll next to the fire with all the others fast asleep (or so he hoped but who ever really cares) had let him fuck him a few weeks later after a drunken night (his first time drunk and he didn’t altogether like it but it took the edge off things nicely) and then fucked him in return in a quiet alleyway after that mission with the baby and the parents and the screams and the blood, and afterwards Genma had looked at him a little oddly, like he couldn’t quiet believe what he saw but he was nice about it later, and even let Kakashi suck him off once and again, and Kakashi liked doing that, too.

By the flicker of the light Kakashi had known there was only a candle burning, maybe lit by a jutsu and maybe not, and the smell in the air left not a doubt in his mind (so musky and sticky, like earth and warmth and the urgency of a fever dream), and when he glanced into the room with its door only half-closed (how urgent had he needed it how urgently would he like to get touched would he let Kakashi do that too if the need became too strong) he had seen his sensei’s body, smooth and muscled and glistening with sweat, face hidden into the neck of his partner, splayed on top of her and fucking her into a makeshift bed of blankets, and the indentations in his ass every time he drove into her had drawn Kakashi’s gaze, the way the dimples grew deep and pronounced and it made her gasp a breathless cry at _every single thrust_.

Kakashi had been rock-hard, instantly, and he couldn’t help but to stare, open-mouthed and breathless, even as wave after wave of pure, toxic jealousy crashed over him. Minato made a helpless little sound, high and shaky, then stilled, body pressed flush against her.

Her, with that hair like a raven’s plumage and thick too, her pale skin and perky breasts that Minato clutched so tightly (with hands calloused and gentle and generous, hands that Kakashi always eluded because a brush of those fingers might be too much to bear) and later, when Kakashi brought himself off in the darkness of his bedroom all he saw was the curve of his sensei’s ass and then the hands with those perfectly half-squared cuticles and nails not clean enough for a shinobi who was completely off the field, hands that dug into grass and dirt when they sparred and into other things, obviously, when Kakashi wasn’t supposed to be looking.

And when he handed in his report a day late, personally at the Hokage’s desk after being summoned, he smelled her, still, in the new soap his sensei was using and the new type of tea he was drinking, something florid and chokingly sweet, and he crinkled his nose and did his best to breathe through his mouth.

Do you think it is ok to hand your reports in late, Kakashi?, his sensei had asked, looking a bit earnest and a bit worried and a bit put out, and Kakashi thought there was nothing to look at him like that for, he did his duty and killed his targets (even those bugs that were so tiny they could not even roll onto their stomachs by themselves yet that slept with their fingers curled in their mouths and made sweet little noises breathing in and out and in and then not breathing at all anymore) and Kakashi bowed to his Hokage and said: sorry I must have misplaced my calendar.

His sensei didn’t think that was funny, which was alright with Kakashi, and he waited to be dismissed because that sweet tea smell and that heavy soap was getting to him, sickly sweet, right, like blood smelled when you’re drenched in too much of it.

(Tenzo will ask, Senpai you don’t look so good is there anything I can do to make you feel better? Kakashi won't say yes but then Itachi will murder all of the Uchiha and his mother and everyone else but his little baby brother and they tumble into bed together and Tenzo will hold onto Kakashi like he is drowning himself.)

Kakashi wondered if what they were doing wasn’t just a bit too fucked up, all things considered.

Dismissed, his sensei said after a long stretch of silence in which he looked as if he wanted to say: I don’t know what to do with you, Kakashi-kun.

That’s alright, Kakashi answered to his sensei’s voice in his head, silently, I don’t know myself.

From the corner of the room, Obito smiled his cheer up soldier smile at him which Kakashi ignored because otherwise he’d have some explaining to do again, and he really wants to avoid the fuss, this time.

Kakashi, wait, his sensei says suddenly, and Kakashi turns, surprised.

His sensei has risen from behind his desk, fingers splayed on the wood as he leans over it, makes a grimace that transports his awkward helpless good-natured attempts to reach out, and Kakashi cocks his head to the side like one of his ninken, interested.

Let’s have lunch, what do you say?, his sensei asks, and Kakashi blinks because he is not sure if he is imagining this or not because he hoped his sensei would ask that, for the past few months he had hoped that every time he entered the Hokage’s office. He schools his face into a careful mask of neutrality, shrugs.

If you’d like.

And sensei smiles like he is relieved and nods.

I’d like that very much, Kakashi. It’s been too long, anyway, don’t you think.

And Kakashi shrugs again, unseen, as Minato bustles about the place, takes his Hokage’s cloak then leaves it, shoves a scroll into his pocket than hurries back for another one, and Kakashi is a bit nervous, a bit exited, because he hasn’t spent time with his sensei for so long.

But then, his sensei hurries back once more, with a glance to him like they are conspirators as he reveals a thick purple glass bottle from the second top drawer of his desk and sprays, once, against the perfectly fine column of his neck, masking the sweet almond scent of his pulse point with that sickly sweet flower smell that makes Kakashi want to gag, want to throw things, and he turns on his heels and tries his hardest to ignore that painful stab somewhere near where his heart beats and the way he has to swallow through a constriction in his throat all of a sudden as his sensei catches up with him and smiles and tells him things Kakashi is no longer interested in hearing.

Obito, who walks on Kakashi’s other side, pulls a face at him, and Kakashi throws him stolen glances, his shoulders and chin leaning in his direction ever so subtly, and decides that he’s gonna have miso with eggplant and that he will read a book after he cleaned the bathroom later, and that he’ll have to invest in new shuriken because his collection has grown too small. He thinks about learning a new jutsu and that he might go sparring with Gai, and wonders if Tenzo will let him between his legs and knows the answer and promises himself to be gentle with him, but then, when he gets home shortly after midday, all he does is curl up on top of his bed, and close his eyes tightly.

In the end, it’s Obito who strokes his head until he falls asleep, and that sits just right with Kakashi, because people like him, they belong to the dead anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Feel free to let me know what you think in the comments. :)


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